(If you wish to read this article in its original, Hungarian version, click here)
Today’s article will be focused on a big social problem which
affects a large amount of people.
Although this article is about the issues of female body image, perfectionism
can affect men as well but their case is a lot different from women’s. This article
is primarily for women but men can benefit from reading it too.
It is not uncommon for today’s girls in school that the mandaroty medical check (which includes weight measurement) is one of their biggest stress factors. Not only that, but they feel humiliated by having to stand on the scale in front of others as well. Some young girls don’t eat before these measurements and they’re stressed out even at the thought of it. Of course, an elderly person who’s been in war or a middle aged man who’d lived in poverty as a child would find that funny and laugh about it. Often the reaction of older generations is: Where is the world heading if these kids and teens crumble from such a small problem?. This reaction is wrong for several reasons but I would like to emphasize two of them. One, you should never question emotions and especially not with rational thinking. If someone feels like something is a big problem than for them it is a big problem. So don’t try to convince them that it isn’t and try understanding them instead. Two, it was our now-adult generations who’ve created a society where this fear is common. By the way, today’s adult women also feel a similar way. The gyms and the streets are full of perfectionist women. Women who don’t eat properly and are slaves of perfect looks. Some even go through plastic surgery to look prettier for the world. I knew a middle aged lady once who had her perfectly healthy teeth taken out and had Angelina Jolie’s teeth implanted in her mouth instead. This is a pretty extreme example but something more common is that 85% of adult women don’t eat dinner at all because they think that’s the most fattening meal. Because of this they have sleeping problems and they wake up early because their bodies had used up all their energy and hunger is well known to speed up the brain. In most cases a full dinner would be the best solution but sadly it’s off the table because then the diet would be off. Women fight this battle every day, regardless of their age. In their 40s’ it even gets amplified by the first signs of aging. Every generation is affected by this problem, and it highly reduces women’s chance at happiness. Because if we’re not comfortable with ourselves, our happiness is already limited to short periods of time.
The solution to the problem is not losing 3 more kilograms or
making your breasts a few sizes bigger. When you have got these you will want
to lose another 2 kilos or implant Angelina Jolie’s teeth. The cycle never
ends. You’ll never be satisfied with yourself because this is just a mirage you
seek in your whole life. If you reach your desired weight for example, than
you’ll be wanting to reach another one by the time you reach the first. Or to to
play the game again, you’ll gain weight
and then strive lose it once more. Making yourself believe that you’re
satisfied with the way you are when you’re clearly not isn’t an acceptable
solution either. Both strategies are made by your ego and lead to unhappiness.
To find out which the right way to deal with this situation, we first
have to understand the spiritual reason behind it. This is another instance
where we have to look back into our childhood through several layers of other
problems. The root of this issue all is lack of love. By not recieving enough
love as children we decided that we aren’t loveable. We hid this horrible
feeling deep in our souls and ever since then it’s been radiating through our every
activity even if we’re not consciuosly aware of it. I knew a woman once who
denied this statement, saying that her parents had never gotten divorced and that
she had always been well cared for. She had had kind parents. Later on, through
more deep talks, it turned out that her parents acted in a manner of learned
parental behavior. This means that they were caring and kind because they knew
that’s how a good parent should be. But neither of them were capable of
unconditional love. Just think about how frequent it is to kindly nod at our
child’s words while we are thinking of the things we forgot to buy at the
grocery store. So everything was fine with the family but only on the surface. Kids
can detect it instinctively if the love is honest or just a learned example.
You can’t hide reality from them. If they can’t feel in their hearts that they
are loved, the feeling of not being lovable gets preserved. Small children
always blame themselves and not their parents. Because a small child really
does love their parents unconditionally.
Let’s think about how many people, how many women have had a
childhood where both parents loved them unconditionally. The people who grew up
like that are definitely not perfectionists today. Today’s younger generation
was raised by parents who were workaholics and always sought money and building
a career was their main interest. The other side of that coin is that they
could give even less attention and love to their children. This is the reason
it’s so common for today’s young girls (and boys) to be unsatisfied with their
bodies. We caused their pain so it is our job to help them get through it! I despise
what I hear from most parents: I really don’t understand how this child could
have turned out like this. This statement is the complete ignorance of
their parental responsibilities.
And of course this is all amplified by social media’s “brainwashing”
and the expectations and (mis)conceptions of men about the female body and its
beauty. But women who are less spiritually wounded are less affected by these
aspects. In conclusion, the answer is not a serf-starving diet or surgeries, nor
any other self-suffocating methods. The solution is to heal your soul and
decrease the amount of your love lust. The result will be a better self-image,
more self-acceptance and a happier life. How? I have another heading of
writings about it where I write about some really great and effective methods you
can use!
For teens who are not that deeply wounded, a simple rational
explanation might be enough to help. There’s a thing spread around young girls where
they only see someone’s weight and not any of the other factors that play into
it. I was more than surprised to see, how a short girl (around 150 cm) who was
52 kgs was showing off to the girls that were around 175 cm with 62 kgs. The
taller girls were very frustrated by the shorter girl’s bragging because they
thought it was shameful that they were 10 kilograms heavier. See how obvious it
is? The 150/52 girl was a bit overweight, while the 175/62 girls were seriously
underweight. Yet they still thought they were fat compared to the shorter girl,
because the only thing they cared about was weight. I explained to them kindly
and with care that one’s height minus 110 about equals to one’s ideal weight. They
understood that they were in fact, too skinny because they should have had at
least 65 kilograms. Meanwhile the shorter girl had an additional 12 kilograms
on her compared to her ideal weight. With not too deeply wounded girls, a
simple explanation like this helps their weight phobia, but it has to be said a
lot because it’s hard to really get through to them because of what they see everywhere
in social media and on TV. For those who are in worse conditions this won’t be
enough since they see themselves through a very strict and critical filter. As I
mentioned above, there is a heading for articles written about methods to help
with self-love and self-image.
Once you’re able to objectively identify the level of perfectionism
you have, you start walking the road to deeper self-knowledge. This is the
first step to take to turn your life around for the better. You can read more
about it on this blog…
DRDE
If you are interested in the previous part of this heading click here.
If you are interested in the next part of this heading click here.
If you seek a better understanding of the blog’s structure, you can find a short guide here.
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